初中英语作文WhatIwanttobe.评析

admin

What I want to be

Children have lots dream, like me . When I was a little boy , I have lots of dream . At once , I want to be a policeman . And then I want to be a drive . But now I want to ba a guide .I want to be a guide , because it's very interesting .It can go around the world and visit lots of beautiful places and it can make some money. I can take lots of picture and show my parents and friends these photos . I also can eat lots nice food. This is my dream to be a guide.

1.Children have lots dream, like me .这样表达不如强调一下自己，把like me 改为I do have many, too.另外注意dream是可数名词，应该用复数形式dreams

2.When I was a little boy , I have lots of dream .应该是had.At once应该是at first.

3....I want to be a drive . 应该是a driver.

4.I want to be a guide , because it's very interesting .前半句话已经说过，不要重复，删去。

5.It can go ...it can make some money. 主语应该是I,后半句表达不是很清楚，应该这样说，I will earn enough money.

6.I can take lots of picture and show my parents and friends these photos . 将来的幻想,不可以用can,可以用will ,或者be able to,另外应该是pictures.

7.This is my dream to be a guide.虽然最后说明了自己的想法，但是表达不是很好，可以这样说， I want to be an excellent guide. This is my dream.

作文思路清晰，切题，有头有尾。

病句太多，首先是单复数分辨不清，时态不准确，另外有些句子是汉语式句型。