老师与学生对话时候闹出来的笑话

今夕何夕

Teachers and students（老师和学生）

    1)
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.


老师：你上次过生日时是几岁？
学生：七岁。
老师：那你下次过生日时是几岁？
学生：九岁。
老师：不可能。
学生：不，是真的。我今天八岁。
　
2)
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!


老师：乔治，请你到那边在地图上找出北美洲来。
乔治：在这儿。
老师：对了。好，同学们，你们知道是谁发现美洲的吗？
全班：乔治！
　
3)
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!


老师：韦利，说一样今天非常重要而在十年前还没出现的东西。
韦利：我！
　
4)
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in
one day?
ALFRED: I get up early.


老师：艾尔弗雷，一个人怎么能在一天中犯那么多愚蠢的错误？
艾尔弗雷：因为我起得早。
　
5)
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you
to keep yours.


老师：你曾答应过要守规矩的，对吧？
学生：是的，先生。
老师：我说过如果你不守规矩的话，我就会惩罚你的，对吧？
学生：是的，先生。但自从我违背了诺言后，我一直盼望您也别再遵守您的诺言。
　
6)
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.


老师：汤米，你为什么总把自己弄得那么脏？
汤米：嗯，我比您离地面要近得多。
　
7)
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.


哈鲁德：老师，如果我没有做什么事的话，您会惩罚我吗？
老师：当然不会。
哈鲁德：那太好了，因为我没有做作业。
　
8)
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


老师：你为什么迟到？
韦斯特：因为那个标志牌。
老师：什么标志牌？
韦斯特：那个标志牌上写着：“前方学校，慢行。”
　
9)
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN: I hope you didn't either.


老师：我希望我没发现你在看堂的试卷。
约翰：我也希望这样。
　
10)
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.


嘉利：我想我这次测验不应该得零分。
老师：我同意你的看法，但这是我能给你打的最低分。
　
11)
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.


母亲：为什么你这次测验得了那么低的分数？
儒尼尔：因为缺课。
母亲：你是说你考试那天缺课了吗？
儒尼尔：不，是坐在我旁边的那个同学缺课了。
　
12)
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.


西尔维亚：爸爸，你能在黑暗中写东西吗？
父亲：我想可以。你想要我写什么？
西尔维亚：在这张成绩报告上签上你的名字。
　
13)
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.


老师：嗯，关于你儿子，我至少有一件事情要和你说。
父亲：什么事情？
老师：按照他这样（差）的成绩，他应该没有作弊。
　
14)
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.


老师：我这盒子里有一条十英尺长的蛇。
萨米：你骗不了我，老师...蛇是没有脚的。
（注：foot有两个意思：1.英尺；2.脚。）
　
15)
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent disease caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.


卫生老师：怎样才能防止病从口入？
乔斯：什么都别吃。
　
16)
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


老师：艾伦，请用“I”开头造一个句子。
艾伦：I is...
老师：不，艾伦。应该说“I am”。
艾伦：好吧......“我是字母表中的第九个字母。”
（注，正确的句子应该是"I is the ninth letter of the alphabet." I 总跟 am 搭配吗？未必!!）
　
17）
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.


代课老师：你是（在）吃口香糖吧？
比利：不，我是比利. 安德森。
　
18)
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.


母亲：你为什么竟然把我给你的钱吞下去了？
儒尼尔：你说过这是给我的午饭钱嘛。
　
19)
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SARAH: A new bike.


老师：如果有10个人，每人给你10美元，你将会得到多少钱？
莎拉：一辆新自行车。
（注："what would you get?"还可理解为“你将会得到什么？”）
　
20)
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.


老师：如果你已经有一美元，然后向你爸爸再要一美元，你将会有多少美元？
文森特：一美元。
　
21)
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.


老师（忧伤地）：你不懂算术。
文森特（忧伤地）：你不懂（认识我父亲。
　
22)
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the
other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!


老师：如果我的一只手上有七个桔子，而另一只手上有八个，那么我将会有多少（什么）？
柯米丹：两只大手！
　

23)
BOY: Isn't the principal(校长） a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness!


男生：校长真是个大笨蛋！你说对吧？
女生：哎，你知道我是谁吗？
男生：不知道。
女生：我是校长的女儿。
男生：那你知道我是谁吗？
女生：不知道。
男生：谢天谢地！(快逃!)
　
24)
SAM: Mum, you love my little brother, but don't love me.
MUM: Why?
SAM: You bore an elder brother for him, but not for me.



萨姆：妈妈，你只爱弟弟，不爱我。
妈妈：为什么？
萨姆：你给他生了一个哥哥，却没有给我生一个。