初中英语作文Astory评析

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A story

I am going to tell a story beteen my father and me which has been in my heart for days.One day ,I wanted to go to the net bar bear my school.But I have no money.How can I go there?I thougt and thougt. Suddenly I got an idea.I told a lie to my father for 50 yuan.He said if the money is used for my study ,he give me as much as he can. As soon as I got the money ,I ran to the net bar and spend all the money playing computer games. How time flies! Now I have been a student in Grade Three. When I think of it ,I feel sorry for my father. I must study hard instead of doing such things in order to be a good student. I am sure he will be proud of me in the future.

点评：

1文中“I wanted to go to the net bar bear my school.”中的“bear ”应该为“near ”.2.“But I have no money.How can I go there?”因叙述过去的事，应采用一般过去时，故“have”应改为“had”,“can”应改为“could”,3.“He said if the money is used for my study ,he give me as much as he can. ”因此句为含有宾语从句的复合句，主句用一般过去时，从句也应用过去的某种时态，故“is”应改为“was”,“give”应改为“would give”,“can”应改为“could”,4.“I ran to the net bar and spend all the money playing computer games. ”并列谓语“ran”,“spend”应时态一致，故“spend”应改为“spent”,

本文从整体上看语句连贯，意义完整，并且使用了较复杂的句子结构。文章最大的不足是使用时态时缺乏深入的思考，另外在最后一段第二句之后如再加一句：I come to realize that I did wrong in the past .我认为效果更好一点。