中考英语书面表达常见错误分析

lspjy

审题错误要点领悟
         与汉语作文一样,英语书面表达的审题也十分重要。审题包括此篇文章要传递给读者什么样的信息,告诫读者什么(即写作目的)。由于英语书面表达的篇幅很有限,所以要求作者在写作时要精心组织材料,紧扣主题。   
                              
信息提示
          太白山是陕西著名的森林游览胜地。一年四季都有其独特的景色(scene)。不过,游览太白山的最佳时机是春天。每当春天来临,青山滴翠,美丽的景色吸引了许多游客前来踏青观光。可几年前,游人不注意保护环境,乱扔垃圾,攀折树枝花草,猎杀野鸟,点火野餐,致使环境一度恶化。请你写篇报道,说明太白山旅游环境的变化。

习作实况
          Taibai Mountain is a famous place of interest in Shaanxi Province. It has its special scenes all the year round, and spring is the best time to visit it. When spring comes, the days get longer and longer and the weather get warmer and warmer. Trees are beginning to turn green, and flowers come out. Everything begins to grow (1).  The mountains are covered with a lot of green tall trees and all kinds of colorful wild flowers. It is so beautiful that a lot of visitors come here and enjoy its beauty every day. But a few years ago, some of the visitors paid no attention to protecting the environment. They used to throw lots of rubbish such as plastic bags, fruit skins and waste paper on the ground. They don’t know that cleaners work from morning till night to sweep away the rubbish and waste things (2). Sometimes they broke some branches, picked flowers and even killed birds. Some even made fires in the forest to cook food. How dangerous it was! Luckily enough, the local government has begun to do something to stop polluting the area. Great changes have taken place here. New roads and nice hotels have been built; trees and flowers are planted around them. Visitors are asked to take plastic bags and put their rubbish in them (3).
                           
精讲点拨
       (1)这一部分应当删掉。文章应围绕太白山景区的景色和环境保护主题展开,与太白山有关的春景可以略写,但不宜用太多的笔墨去描绘春天,这不仅加长了篇幅,也冲淡了主题。
       (2)这一部分也应当删掉。因为,这里批评了游客乱扔垃圾的不良现象,由于篇幅的限制,没有必要再去谈论清洁工是如何清理这些垃圾的。
       (3)这一部分同样需要删掉。根据上文不难看出,本文主要谈论太白山旅游区的环境污染问题,以及政府采取措施后环境的变化。没有必要去描述基础设施的变化。总而言之,英文作文中,应特别注意避免想起什么写什么,随意发挥,淡化主题。精彩例文
           Taibai Mountain is a famous place of interest in Shaanxi Province. It has its special scenes all the year round, and spring is the best time to visit it. When spring comes, the mountains are covered with a great many green tall trees and all kinds of colorful wild flowers. It is so beautiful that a lot of visitors come here and enjoy its beauty every day. But a few years ago, some of the visitors paid no attention to protecting the environment. They used to throw lots of rubbish such as plastic bags, fruit skins and waste paper on the ground. Sometimes they broke some branches, picked flowers and even killed birds. Some even made fires in the forest to cook food. How dangerous it was! Luckily enough, the local government has begun to do something to stop polluting the area. Great changes have taken place here.

lspjy

文不达意

【要点领悟】
       在英语书面表达的提示信息中,常有这样的语句“可适当增加细节”或“可适当发挥”,但所增加的内容应该与文章相关。如果所“发挥”的内容与文章无关,就是“画蛇添足”了。
【信息提示】
       根据下面的4幅图画用英语写一篇短文,要求故事包括所有图画的主要内容,可以适当增加细节,使意思连贯。词数在100以上。














【习作实况】






One day, an old woman was crossing the street with a basket in her hand. She went to do some shopping. Just then a car came up and she was knocked down onto the ground. She was badly injured and couldn’t move. But to everyone’s anger, the car ran away as quickly as it could. The old woman had to lie on the ground and cried (1). Luckily, a man, who was sweeping the street nearby, saw this. He ran quickly up to her and helped her stand up. He was angry with the driver (2). Then he took her to the nearest hospital. There a doctor examined her carefully and gave her some medical care. After that, the dustman took her home. When the old woman’s daughter knew what had happened to her mother, she was moved deeply and thanked him very much. After a while the dustman left and went to do his work. The daughter thanked him again (3).
【精讲点拨】
(1)此句与图中提示不相符,应删去。
(2)此处加写这句属多余,也与图画内容不符。
(3)文章写到“...very much.”处已经很完整了,加上这一句使行文显得重复、累赘。






【精品范文】


One day, an old woman was crossing the street with a basket in her hand. She went to do some shopping. Just then a car came up and she was knocked down onto the ground. She was badly injured and couldn’t move a little. Luckily, a man, who was sweeping the street nearby, saw this. He ran quickly up to her and helped her stand up. Then he took her to the nearest hospital. There a doctor examined her carefully and gave her some medical care. After that, the dustman took her home. When the old woman’s daughter knew what had happened to her mother, she was moved deeply and thanked him very much.

lspjy

名词单复数【要点领悟】
        同学们在写作时,往往把重点放在文章的构思和句子结构上,有时忽略了名词的单复数。在中考作文中,如果名词的数使用混乱,也会导致较多的失分。
【信息提示】
        假如你是吴强,去年春天和几位同学到东浦岛野餐,以“The happiest day”为题写一篇80-100词的作文。要求条理清晰、意思连贯、语句通顺、标点规范。
【习作实况】
                                  The happiest day
       Last spring my classmate (1) and I went to Dongpu Island to have a picnic. It was March 2. The weather was fine and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. We started early that morning. We all carried something nice to eat and drink.
      We sang happily on our ways (2) there. After about one and a half hour (3), we got to the island. The water in the lake was nice and clean and we could see flowers and grasses (4) all around us. How beautiful it was! After about twenty minute’s (5) rest, we divided ourselves into four groups and cooked our lunch. Most of us did the cooking for the first time. After a while, everything was ready. We put all the food on a big piece of paper. There was meat, fish, fruit and vegetable (6). How delicious they were! We enjoyed our lunch and there was a big smile on everyone’s faces (7).
【精讲点拨】
(1)classmate在本句中看不出错误来,如果结合第二段的... four groups就可发现classmate要用复数形式。
(2)在on one’s way 结构中,way 没有复数形式。
(3)这儿不是半个小时,而是一个半小时,所以hour要用复数。
(4)此处指普通的草,多用单数。
(5)此处应将minute’s改为minutes’,即twenty minutes’ rest。
(6)此处应用vegetable的复数形式vegetables。
(7)这儿指的是每个人的脸上,应将faces改为face。







【精品范文】
                                The happiest day
      Last spring my classmates and I went to Dongpu Island to have a picnic. It was March 2. The weather was fine and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. We started early that morning. We all carried something nice to eat and drink.
      We sang happily on the way there. After about one and a half hours, we got to the island. The water in the lake was nice and clean and we could see flowers and grass all around us. How beautiful it was! After about twenty minutes’ rest, we divided ourselves into four groups and cooked our lunch. Most of us did the cooking for the first time. After a while, everything was ready. We put all the food on a big piece of paper. There was meat, fish, fruit and vegetables. How delicious they were! We enjoyed our lunch and there was a big smile on everyone’s face.

lspjy

文体格式错误
要点领悟
        英文日记的写作在全国各地中考书面表达题中占有较大的比例。它属于应用文的一种,这类书面表达题可以是提示性作文,也可以是看图(表)作文,无论是哪种形式,都要求按日记的格式进行写作。写作前都要仔细审题,抓住要点,理清叙述的顺序。

信息提示
         2008年3月12日是星期一,也是植树节。那天天气晴朗,上午8点半,老师和同学们在校门口集合,步行去西山植树。植树前,老师告诉同学们树木可以净化空气、防风固土、美化环境,并要求每人栽五棵小树。同学们干得都很卖力。班长林涛不顾生病,完成自己的任务后,又帮助其他人,他是我们学习的好榜样。请根据提示内容,写一篇日记。

习作实况
                                                                                     2008.3.12  Monday (1)        
                                                                                            Sunny (2)                          
Dear friends (3),
　　It is March 12th today. At half past eight, all the teachers and students in our school gathered in front of the school gate. Then we went on foot to the Western Hill to plant trees. Before we started working, the teacher gave us a talk on the importance of planting trees. He said that trees can help to keep the air clean, protect us from strong wind and sand and make our city more beautiful. Then he showed us how to plant trees and asked each of us to plant at least five trees.
        After that we started working. Some strong boys dug holes, some carried water and some girls put trees in the holes. We all worked hard. Among us, Lin Tao, our monitor set a good example to us. Though he was ill, he worked harder. When he finished his task, he went on to help others. He was wet all over after work. Looking at the lines of the young trees, we smiled happily.
                                                                                          
Truly yours, (4)   
                                                      Mary Baker (5)   
                                                 精讲点拨
        (1)将日记的日期2008.3.12  Monday 改为 Monday, March 12th, 2008或March 12th, 2008, Monday。写英文日记时应注意以下两点:英文日记的格式与中文日记的格式相差不大。日期和星期应写在第一行的左上角顶格位置,日期和星期的写法应注意:年、月、日俱全时,可按月、日、年或日、月、年的次序写。如:March 12th, 2008或12th March, 2008; 只有月、日时,其顺序为月、日,月份可用缩略式。如:September 20th或Sept. 20th;如果要写明星期几,可将其放在日期的前面或后面。如:Friday, Oct. 20, 2008或Oct. 20, 2008, Friday。(2)写日记时,天气状况应写在日期的右边且靠右顶格,而不是写在日期的下面。天气状况一般用形容词表示。如:Fine (晴),Sunny(晴), Rainy(雨), Snowy (雪), Windy(多风), Cloudy(多云)等。
       (3)本文要求写一篇日记,而不是书信。Dear friends是用在写信时的称呼语,在写日记时应去掉。
       (4)和(5)都是书信的落款格式,不能用在日记的写作中,要去掉。在写作文时,同学们一定要熟练掌握书信和日记的写作格式,不能混淆。
                                          

精彩例文



Monday,March12th, 2007                                                               Sunny
       It is March 12th today. At half past eight, all the teachers and students in our school gathered in front of the school gate. Then we went on foot to the Western Hill to plant trees.  
       Before we started working, the teacher gave us a talk on the importance of planting trees. He said that trees can help to keep the air clean, protect us from strong wind and sand and make our city more beautiful. Then he showed us how to plant trees and asked each of us to plant at least five trees.


       After that we started working. Some strong boys dug holes, some carried water and some girls put trees in the holes. We all worked hard. Among us, Lin Tao, our monitor set a good example to us. Though he was ill, he worked harder. When he finished his task, he went on to help others. He was wet all over after work. Looking at the lines of the young trees, we smiled happily.

lspjy

用词不当

要点领悟】



        文章构思新颖、结构严谨固然重要,但它只是文章的骨架。要充实内容,就得有一定的遣词造句的功力,在此基础知识就显得尤为重要了。
【信息提示】


        李华平时总是忙于功课,很少做家务。母亲节这一天,她想帮妈妈做饭,却不小心切了手指,本想让妈妈在节日期间好好休息,却未能如愿。以“On Mother’s Day”为题写一篇词数为80-100的短文。要求条理清晰、意思连贯、语句通顺、标点正确。
【习作实况】
                                            On Mother's Day
      I'm usually busy with my studies and do few (1) housework when I come back from school. It was Mother's Day yesterday. I wanted Mum to have a good rest and I did all instead (2) her. I got up early yesterday morning and bought a lot of vegetables, fish and meat in the market. I washed them and then began to cook. I was sure I could do as well like (3) Mum. Bad luck! I cut one of my fingers and cried out. Mum and Dad rushed into (4) and Mum asked Dad to take me to the hospital. When we came back, dinner (5) ready. I felt sorry and said, “Mum had a busy Mother's Day again!”
【精讲点拨】
(1)housework是不可数名词,应用little来修饰。(2)instead是副词,后不能接宾语,这儿应该用instead of。


(3)like虽然可用作介词,意为“像”,但这儿是as... as...结构,因此此处应改为as well as...。
(4)into是介词,其后要接宾语,但句中无宾语,所以改为副词in。
(5)ready是形容词,不能单独作谓语,所以其前要加was。
【精品范文】
                                       On Mother’s Day
I'm usually busy with my studies and do little housework when I come back from school. It was Mother's Day yesterday. I wanted Mum to have a good rest and I did all instead of her. I got up early yesterday morning and bought a lot of vegetables, fish and meat in the market. I washed them and then began to cook. I was sure I could do as well as Mum. Bad luck! I cut one of my fingers and cried out. Mum and Dad rushed in and Mum asked Dad to take me to the hospital. When we came back, dinner was ready. I felt sorry and said, “Mum had a busy Mother's Day again!”

lspjy

汉式英语

要点领悟
        不同的民族有不同的语言表达习惯。我国学生在用英语写作时由于受汉语表达习惯的影响,加之对英语词语的真正含义把握不准,往往拿汉语去套英语,结果写出的文章到处都是汉式英语(Chinglish)。这样的文章,只有中国人能看懂,外国人看不懂。这就达不到与外国人交流思想的目的。要改变这种状况,一是要准确把握英语词语的含义,二是要排除汉语表达习惯的干扰。这样才能写出地道的英语文章。
信息提示
        你家里养了一只猫,她很小,也很可爱。由于她的存在,你们全家人都很快乐。昨天晚上你去商店给她买食物,在回家的路上下起了大雨。当你到家时,你浑身都湿透了。虽然淋了雨,但是你很高兴。不管怎么说,小猫不用挨饿了。
习作实况
         My home (1) raises a lovely small cat. My family are always happy because of her. I went to the store to buy some food for her yesterday night (2). Unluckily, there was a big rain (3) on my way home. When I got home, I was all wet (4). Although I was wet, but (5) I was very happy. No matter how to say (6), the cat would not be hungry.





精讲点拨

上面的这篇习作虽然我们都能看懂是什么意思,但由于受汉语思维的影响,里面充满了因文化差异而产生的错误。



        (1) “home”的汉语意思虽然也是“家”,但它指“家”时一般只指地点而不指人。根据英语习惯该句应改为My family has a lovely small cat或We keep a lovely small cat at home。
        (2) “昨天晚上”要么表达为yesterday evening,要么表达为last night。但根据语境,这里用前者较合适。
        (3) 根据英语表达习惯,“一场大雨”应表达为a heavy rain,而不是a big rain。
        (4) be all wet的意思是“完全错了”。要表达“全身湿透了”,可以用wet through或completely wet。
        (5) 由于受汉语“虽然……但是”结构的影响而出错。在英语中,although和but在一个句子中不能连用。
        (6) 这里要表达“不管怎么说”,可以用anyway或anyhow,文中的表达显然属于汉式英语。
精彩例文
        We keep a lovely small cat at home. My family are always happy because of her. I went to the store to buy some food for her yesterday evening. Unluckily, there was a heavy rain on my way home. When I got home, I was wet through. Although I was wet, I was very happy. Anyway, the cat would not be hungry.

lspjy

习惯用法和固定搭配【要点领悟】
        有的同学在写作时常常把一些习惯用语、固定词组及结构错误搭配,结果写出来的句子让人看不懂。我们在平时若将这些英语基础知识牢固掌握,考试时就会得心应手、从容自若。
【信息提示】
2005年10月1日  星期六  睛
　　昨天你叔叔打电话来,请你找几个朋友去他农场收桔子。于是今天早上6点,你和朋友就坐汽车出发了。一到农场便开始干活。桔子树上结满了桔子,你们又摘桔子又装车,忙完后在那儿吃了午餐,还吃了不少桔子。下午坐卡车回家。你们虽然忙了一天,却感到非常快乐。
请根据以上提示写一篇80词左右的英语日记。请注意日记的格式。
【习作实况】
October 1, 2005, Saturday                                   Sunny
       My uncle called me yesterday. He said in the phone (1) that he had an orange harvest. He needed some help. He asked me to go there with my friends.
       Today morning (2) we left home at 6:00. We went there by a bus (3). The trees in (4) the farm were really full with (5) oranges. When we got there, we began to work at once. We picked a lot of oranges and put them in the boxes. Some strong boys carried the boxes into a truck. After work, we had the lunch (6) at my uncle’s house. We had many oranges, too. In the afternoon, we came back home by truck. We were busy today, but we were happy.


【精讲点拨】
(1) “在电话里说……”应用介词on。
(2) “今天上午”的英语说法是this morning。
(3)   by+交通工具名词时,其间不用冠词或其他修饰词。
(4) “在农场里”介词用on,应是on the farm。
(5) “……充(结)满……”有两种表示方法,be full of ... 或be filled with...。
(6) 英语中在表示吃一日三餐时,三餐前不加冠词。



【精品范文】
October 1, 2005, Saturday                                    Sunny
       My uncle called me yesterday. He said on the phone that he had an orange harvest. He needed some help. He asked me to go there with my friends.
       This morning we left home at 6:00. We went there by bus. The trees on the farm were really full of oranges. When we got there, we began to work at once. We picked a lot of oranges and put them in the boxes. Some strong boys carried the boxes into a truck. After work, we had lunch at my uncle’s house. We had many oranges, too. In the afternoon, we came back home by truck.
       We were busy today, but we were happy.